On A Romantic Feminist Relationship

Question: I am 100% feminist, and I enjoy being romanticized by boys. Does it make me look like a faux-feminist. For example: I still expect a guy to pay on a FIRST date. But, I am all for sharing on the next date. I mean, I feel so bad about this, it kinda disempower my mode of empowerment. Please advice!

 

Dear FReAK,

Thank you for your question. First of all, you need to know that being a feminist doesn’t mean you are a robot. Being a feminist means you support the equality for all genders, therefore, there’s nothing wrong for enjoying a romantic relationship with your preferred gender that you’re attracted to. Enjoying a romantic relationship is completely normal and there’s nothing wrong about it, and it is also ok to not enjoy a romantic relationship, its your choice. Enjoying or not, it is not related of you being a feminist. Your feminist identity would only be questioned if you don’t agree for women to wear anything they want, or if you are against women’s right to work after marriage, or any other discriminatory and sexist perspectives and attitudes against (gender) equality. Once again, enjoying romantic relationship is not related with your value as a feminist.

About paying the (first) date, paying or not paying definitely up to both agreements and you need to discuss with your partner what comforts you both and what doesn’t. But its great by initiating cost-sharing date for the next date as it has shown your effort to have equality in your relationship. The key is equality and consent. If both parties have agreed on some mutual terms, then there’s nothing wrong with it. You can always be a feminist with or without paying the dates as long as both parties agreed and there’s no side who is losing or feeling loss/ being used. And if sometimes your partner wants to pay the whole thing, make sure that your partner do it sincerely or doing it without pressure and make sure that the commitment of sharing the cost for the next dates happen. This way, not only you both are equals, but also builds trust between you and your partner.

 

Freakily yours,

K.


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